here we go!

well my friends, as I sit and ponder the life of my blog I think I can say that there have been seasons... There are really sad, dark posts that when I read now I think, eh, bummer. There are posts that are very transparent, when I read I think, wow, I can believe I posted that for the world to see, there are hopeful posts, that when I re-read remind me that the Lord is still by my side and still wants to grow and change me, and there are posts of miraculous things that have taken place in my life and in my marriage... Those are some pretty different seasons... If I had a title for the season I am in now, it would be... "WHERE THE RUBBER HITS THE ROAD" I spent, 9 months dissecting myself, digging deep down into the ugly hidden pits that make up me, and worked through some junk. I looked at my past, my failures and mistakes, and had to deal with some consequences and really learn from them.. I think the biggest thing, and what affects me most now, is my role as a wife, a help meet. I had 9 months to think, "if I ever get the chance, I'll do it like this..." or "I'll never do that again!" or "I cant believe I was like that!"... well, the if I ever get the chance again, is here (PRAISE GOD) but, it is hard! Its one thing to think something, and to say that you know what to do, and it is another to actually DO it!

My job is to help, submit, respect and love. To treat him in a loving manner, to cherish and enjoy him! God's word is pretty simple, "wives submit to your husbands, husbands love your wives"... at times, I feel old tendencies rise up in me. I will submit and love you when.. you ______ fill in the blank. or if I'm not feeling loved by you then I'm not going to be very sweet...
ITS ALL WRONG. I am not his holy spirit... repeat it with me: I AM NOT HIS HOLY SPIRIT. if anyone is going to do a work in his heart it is going to be the Lord, the same God who has radically and continues to change my heart. My job is not to check in on how he is doing, to remind him, "well honey, that wasn't very nice, ya know God's word says: husbands love your wives.." my job: love him love him love him! when he is nice, sad, mad, cheery, funny, hurt, moody, hungry, tired.... always always always! I'm reading. (that's a surprise!) a very helpful book and she has a pretty awesome acronym for wife:

W arm up his life with your love

I mprove his life as a helper
F ollow his leadership
E steem him highly with utmost respect

I desire to be the kind of wife that God calls me to be, because then I know that I will be completely satisfied in my marriage, I will be blessed by my obedience, and I will have a deep love and connection with him! I think we miss it when we get far from the basics. We put conditions and limits, we get stuck in the call for women's Independence junk, or we just forget. Its simple, love him love him love him!

I'm writing once again, to track my thoughts as I learn, and to share with my fellow bloggers my ponderings! or maybe to encourage someone. So, don't loose hope when he would rather, watch a football game then sip coffee and talk about deep issues, smile at that handsome man, grab him a beer and give him a wink! ; )