It is interesting, trying to leave everything behind. You think if you can just skip out of life for awhile, leave the city, leave the county, leave the state, then maybe just maybe, your hurts will be gone. The wounds will some how magically seal up. The heaviness will get lighter, you will be back to normal again... I'm home now. Turns out, it is all still there. It doesn't go away... So, I refocus, set my eyes on the Lord, and I ask... "why?" and "when will I get an answer?"...
In Texas, they get some really bad thunder and lightning storms. Every time the sky would turn blackish grey I thought for sure we were going to have a tornado, well we didn't, just some pretty intense rain. The tornado got me thinking... Everything about a tornado is out of control. The winds are intense. The rain is fierce. Its like someone turned up the volume and there is just a whirlwind of chaos all around. Things are flying everywhere. People are afraid. It's just pure out of control. At the center or the eye of the tornado, it is still. This is where I find myself, if my life were a natural disaster, it might be a tornado. Everything is swirling out of control, I have no idea where I will be tomorrow, next week, 2 months or a year... I just don't know.
Today was rough for me. coming back here, after spending some much needed time with my family in TX. it has been hard... because here I am again, waiting. not being able to see what lies outside the walls of my tornado. Not knowing what is to become of my life. will I spend it with this man I love? Will he decide to choose me? Tons and tons of questions rack my brain daily. and really, if I spent my day pondering them I would go nuts... So, I find that I have to stay in the eye of the tornado.
This is where my God is. He is in the center, in the calm, in the quiet of my life when it is spinning out of control. He has control. I will trust Him.... I will remember my commitments, and I will stick to them. I will not give into my feelings and emotions, I have learned they are here than gone, I will continue to press on with what my heart truly desires. God knows... He is still teaching me complete dependency on Him. God, I am so thankful for your faithfulness, thank you for never giving up on me, and being a God of restoration, reconciliation and healing. You can do ALL things. Let my heart always be willing to take a chance on your plan, no matter how scary it looks or what it might cost. Let my eyes always be on you. You are good...
1 comments:
Oh my Katy!! The storm seems so scary, but remember God really does control it. Jesus told the ocean to be still and it was. He has a plan for you and I know how hard it is to wait but just keep Praising Him in the Storm. Love you!! Aunt Dede
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