changing

This has been an interesting month for me. Today, it was a little bit cooler and something about the air outside is changing. A little cleaner, a little lighter, a little crisper, not much but just a little bit more like fall. Things are also changing inside of me... Much has happened this past month. You go from hoping, praying, wishing, thinking only good things keeping your heart and mind in good spirits. Not knowing is sometimes better. but the seasons are changing and so am I. I must say this past week has been a challenge for me. My eyes have been opened to the reality of the situation I find myself. I guess before I wasn't really ok with things, I didn't believe them to be true. But, it is true. This is how it is going to be. This is where i am at. I have seen a different side of things. a revealing of where this precious soul is. It is a dark and lonely place, I cannot help. All I can do is pray. Before I could only hope for the best, that things were progressing in a positive way, well, it seems they're not. more of a regression. So, I was discouraged on Friday of last week. and then Saturday through Thursday more discouragement. I felt let down. worthless. angry. sad. hurt. rejected. depressed. alone. My eyes left my father. He finally answered my prayers by allowing me to see, I guess I just didn't want to see what I saw. but

he is faithful.

This is what I learned...

When I set my eyes on myself I feel sad, hurt, alone, let down, worthless, prideful, woe is me, angry... When I set my eyes on him I feel mad, sad, depressed, discouraged, frustrated, hurt... When I set my eyes on the Lord He is faithful, I feel hopeful, encouraged, worthy, forgiven, showered in grace, reminded of his promises... When I keep my eyes on him I remember that He has a plan for my life. that I am new. That I have taken off my old self and have put on my new self. That I was not made with a spirit of fear. That He works all things together for good. That He is fighting for me. That He loves me and wants to bless me if I am obedient to follow His will....

I will keep my eyes there.

God is good.

I am reminded of what God showed me almost 7 months ago... He reminded me of Noah, and how God gave him a plan and a something to do... It required Noah to have faith and wait on God for 120 years! God reminded me that I said I would wait. I said I would be patient. I said I would give him time. I said that I would love unconditionally. I asked God to stretch me, grow me, and create in me a woman that would be pleasing to Him.

I am reminded.

I will press on, keeping my eyes focused on the Lord. On HIS will, and the things unseen. I am learning the power of prayer, and waiting patiently.

No matter what, my love for the Lord will not waiver, I never want to leave His side.