hope injection.

"Faith, sure belief and trust."




"Separation removes you from some of the constant pressures of conflict. It permits self examination in which emotions can be separated from behavior. In short it places you in an arena where you can develop a new understanding of yourself and your spouse..."



God is so good. Its funny how when I am constantly praying to be in His will, He is so faithful to put me there. The past week has been a hard week, yet again. I think with all that is so unresolved there will always be this empty space in my heart and in my life... but some weeks are just a bit more of a struggle, so this week was one of them... I prayed, "Lord, please bring my heart some encouragement and some hope" and I asked some of my close friends if they would just pray for my week... They must have prayed and God must have heard me and my dear friends! He has given my hope once again...



Last night, I was taking care of a friend who just had surgery, I was there until her husband got home to take over. When he got home he had so much love, care and concern for his wife. He kissed her, asked her how she was, got her food, medicine did everything he could to make sure she was comfortable... it was so sweet, and I was so happy that she has a man who really cares about her and loves her. I left their house, and though I was happy for them as I drove I could feel it. The wave. You see, I used to cry everyday, when I would wake up and when I would go to sleep... Now it comes in waves... and as I was driving home, I was fighting it... but my body, my mind and my heart grew weak of being strong and holding it in, and I began to cry. My heart longs for my love, not just LOVE but MY LOVE... this man that I committed my life and my heart to...



So, defeated by emotion, exhausted from thinking and crying I went home, sat in the middle of my room, and just thought, "Lord, what is going to happen." I decided that, though I didn't feel like reading or doing anything that I knew would be good for my spirit, I went against my fleeting feelings, took a shower, got dressed and drove to Starbucks to read. As I drove there, I prayed, "God, I need you. Inject my heart with hope, speak to me, I want to listen, I need to hear you."



God is good.



I arrived at Starbucks, got my usual (green tea unsweetened with 3 raw sugars :) ) and sat down and opened my new book. SIDE NOTE: I order all of my books through http://www.cbd.com/ and they usually take awhile to get here, but I ordered 2 books and they arrived within 3 or 4 days!! that never happens... but these books have been so helpful and essential for where I am at in life... So, I'm sitting there reading and this young man approaches me to ask me what I am reading, I felt a bit awkward because of the title of the book, so I said "oh, you know, just a self help book..." and he asked well what is it called, so sheepishly I help up the book so I didn't have to read it out loud... "Separated and Waiting, how to survive marital separation" by, Jan Northington. He said, "Oh.. I'm so sorry..."



He began to tell me that he felt like God was asking him to come over and encourage me. We talked all about going through struggle and how faithful God is to be everything we need. How in our deepest darkest struggles is where God finds us and changes us. We talked about grace and forgiveness and how understanding salvation and what it means for us personally is essential. He remined me of how much the Lord loves me, and that He will work all things together for my good. It wasn't weird, he wasn't a weirdo and I didn't sense his intentions for talking to me were anything but to encourage me with God's word.



It was just what I needed to hear. I drove to my friends house so thankful that God had spoken to me through this guy and that I had received my injection of hope...



Well, God wasn't done.



Today, at church I was further encouraged. God's message to the body at Lambs was all about never giving up. It was based off of the passage in Luke 18:1 "He told them a parable to the effect that they ought always to pray and never lose heart."



He asked what have you been praying for that you have lost hope for or have given up on? He said what is it that God said to you when He asked you to pray for whatever you were praying for? He went on to further speak on the topic, but the whole time I was so encouraged because,



I have not given up.



at the end he asked anyone who resonated with the message and knows that they have given up on something or someone and needs to start praying and recommit that to God to come forward. I didn't have to go forward. I know that the only reason I am still in this and haven't given up is because of the Lord, because of his love and strength in me. For me, the message was God's way of giving me a push, reminding me He is still in control and that what I am doing is still what He wants me to do:



Be patient, wait and let me work.



I was so encouraged today. I don't have to worry, I know who is in control, this is so out of my control.

The only one who can change hearts and mind is God. He changed mine and He has every ability to change his... I believe someday He will. His timing. His way.



God is good. I am so thankful for His love and my growing relationship with him. I am learning to love like He loves. He NEVER gives up on us. He NEVER says, "sorry I have waited too long." He loves us UNCONDITIONALLY. and we can ALWAYS come back to him. That's how I want to love him.



be blessed, know you are loved.



Katy. Hill