wearing your shoes

The amount of things I am learning right now is so tremendous I feel I need to really stop and take a few moments to ponder and think them through. I read this book called the art of forgiveness; it was a really good book. It helped me understand where someone who has been hurt might be at and what they might be feeling. It allowed me to understand better the process of forgiveness and what forgiveness really means. Fist, God calls His people to forgive, to look at that person and come to a place where we forgive what they did and NOT who they are, it’s when we realize they are just a broken fellow struggler like we are. God calls us to also reconcile ourselves to that person, to get to a point where we wish good things upon them. Where we no longer have hate in our hearts towards that person. A person begins to travel the path of forgiveness when they are ready to be healed, because the forgiveness really benefits the person who was hurt. Of course forgiveness is a difficult thing for a broken human to do, it’s not easy, and there is more to it then I have shared, these are just the main things I have learned. The biggest thing that stood out to me is that forgiveness does not mean reunion. Yes, God calls us to forgive, to reconcile ourselves to that person, but he doesn’t call us reunite, to be with that person. This book was a harder book for me to read, I think because it was more of a reality check. I believe that God has all of the power to bring hope to a hopeless situation, that He can make possible something that seems impossible, but it takes two willing hearts, and with only one it won’t work. The reality is that reunion might not happen. It is hard to think, it is hard to realize and know, to see a bit of the bigger picture… but this is the truth. I have heard so many stories like mine who end in happy endings, but what are the chances, what are the odds?? So on what I am learning about forgiveness I will end with this quote from the book; “The power is our ability to imagine the future. The weakness is our inability to control the future. The answer to the problem of imagining a future we cannot control is hope.” Again, hope is all I am left with, and I will continue to cling to it, to persevere and be patient until the end when God’s glory reveals itself.

Perseverance is hard. I am being put to the true test of endurance, holding out, setting my eyes on the goal which is the Lord and running towards him. “Endurance: Constancy, perseverance, continuance, bearing up, steadfastness, holding out, patient endurance. It describes the capacity to continue to bear up under difficult circumstances, not with a passive complacency, but with a hopeful fortitude that actively resists weariness and defeat.” I read that quote and it was perfect for the Wednesday I was having. You know sometimes when the Lord calls you to a place of waiting, a place of wonder, a place of absolute no control where the only thing you have is to hope, it gets really hard. Wednesday was like this for me, and I love the rain but the rain only added to my dumpy mood. I guess when this happens and we become weary it is only a true glimpse into the heart. That I am not strong, I don’t have the power to wait, my flesh wants to slip back into the old dance… the only thing good or strong in me is Christ. He is why I can wait, He is why I can be patient. You know what I am beginning to learn through all of this unknown waiting? Who I am, what I am made of. I am learning that God loves me; I am His precious girl, His beloved. It is knowing how much God loves me that I can love myself. The more and more time I spend with God the more I realize how much He truly does love me. That to others I may look like another one gone sour, worthless, dirty and shamed but to God I am lovely, I am whole, I am forgiven, I am clean, I am beautiful, I have worth, I have purpose, I am His. I wonder maybe that is what will be revealed in this beautiful mess. Maybe my eyes are on the wrong outcome, maybe the outcome is to be more in love with God than ever before, to realize who I am in Christ and allow that to solidify me? Patience and waiting has become a thing of beauty. I wonder if I would have taken the easy way out, accepted the chatter of the world, where would I be? This road is not over, it may take years, but I will wait patiently. God is growing inside of me, and I am learning. Please continue to pray and don’t lose hope.

-K.