the zapper

In my quest to learn how to be a better wife, in hopes of winning my husband back and being able to be a better wife for him, I am learning a lot.
"When he first fell in love with you, you were a sweet little thing, full of laughter and fun. from the very bottom of your soul you were thrilled with him. Every day you woke up planning some activity that involved you both. Is he still married to the same sweet little thing, or have you become a long faced, sickly complainer..." Debi Pearl "Created to be his help meet"

I read that and thought... ER... Dang it! I'm realizing I really dropped the ball on A LOT of things in my marriage, as a wife. you see I'm learning that its all about having a merry heart, being joyful. She talks about men being attracted to a woman's smile, we smile because we are full of joy and happiness, we don't when we're not. I think when I got married I felt like I had to morph into super wife, cooking, cleaning, laundry, working, organization, planning etc... it was all things to do... and I did them from a heart of just doing.. you know what I mean? its like I lost myself, my playful, quirky, funny, easy going self. The girl who laughs just to laugh, who does retarded dances just to do them, who is for the most part full of joy and life. No wonder he was unhappy. I became a needy nagger. Now this is me being vulnerable, and becoming really transparent.. but its the truth.

its like a bug zapper. bugs are attracted to the light so they see it and they go straight to it... granted they get zapped and die... but its the attracted part I'm trying to focus on, when our husbands have wives that are joyful, happy and smile, they want to be around them, they work all day and are happy to come home for what waits for them...
and this joy, this happiness God gives it to us as we are obedient to his word, his word that says we are to serve our husbands, to be their helper, to be their supporter their encourager, to allow them to lead us, to be their number 1 fan... when we walk in God's will for us as wives, and we are obedient to follow him, we will receive nothing but joy because we are in God's will.
This is the kind of wife I want to be. If God gives me a chance to become my husbands wife again, for real, I cant wait to practice these things I am learning.

I'm seeing that you have to choose everyday to be the kind of wife your husband needs, the kind of wife God wants you to be for your husband. It doesn't just happen you have to choose it daily. oh, how badly I am praying for another chance...

I am learning, I am growing ,and I continue to wait on Him who knows all things, and will work out his plan the way he chooses to do so. Please keep praying, God can do anything! He can make the most impossible situations possible!