he never leaves

Last night was a very very hard night for me. I feel like God is really testing me.. in the moments im feeling so hopeful, something happens and its like the enemy would love to see my hope squashed and is hoping that I will lose my hope and give up. I was woken up last night, and took some pretty "low blows" for lack of better words... I was just feeling crushed, broken, lost, hopeless and sad. I cried as I fell back asleep and had dreams of what I wish my life was... This morning I wasn't feeling like doing much of anything, almost like a depressed state of mind. but I got up and got in my car to go take care of granny.. this song started to play as I was driving...

"It's the sweetest thing
to trust you
just to know
You got everything under control

high up on a rock
looking out at the horizon
watching as the storm rolls in
wondering if my heart will survive it

as the waves crash all around me
and can't remember what it feels like to be free

You say, I've got you my baby
I've got you
it's quite the mess you're in
but it's nothing Love can't fix

so sit here upon my shoulders
and watch as it all unwinds

You are making me a mountain
making me a mountain
that cannot be shaken

i know You're making me a mountain
making me a mountain
that cannot be moved"

Of course I began to blubber like a baby, but I felt a smidge of joy start to creep back into my heart, and I began to pray, for him for me for us for God's will for his patience, for trust. Then after I finished tending to granny, I sat down to start week 2 in my "patience" discipleship book... oh goodness... I read this..
"Those who endure hurt with patience are behaving like Christ. Not only is their pain noticed by God but he walks with them through every step of the suffering.".... "God is there! Your affliction has meaning your pain is understood. The God of the universe aches to see your patient suffering and bombard you with such blessings."

God is here! He is so with me, through this whole entire mess that I have created he is not giving up on me. He is putting fire back in my heart, he is helping me as I am patient and trying my best to show him unconditional love no matter what words are spoken, no matter what actions are taken, when I love my husband I am honoring God. God hasn't left me. Please be encouraged, if anyone is going through something hard, or you feel like there is no hope for a person or a situation, know that God is so BIG, he can do all things! I dont know what the outcome will be for my situation, but I am committed to long term patience, waiting, watching as God's master plan reveals itself.

Please keep praying, for broken hearts to be restored, for healing to occur for reconsiliation to happen, and please please pray against the enemies LIES. that we would not fall for them.