this little bug

another hard one, I'm begining to think that they don't get any easier... I went to the beach today, by myself just to sit and read my books, get out of this little town and sit before God's creation. The ocean is so big, I really love being there its untainted, raw... you get what you get. Well, I dont think my choice of beach was very good, too many memories. and couples... oh the couples! they are EVERYWHERE... holding hands, gazing at each other... makes me sad. so I sat, read more of Debi Pearl, learned more about the kind of wife I desire to be, but then I start to feel hopesless again, the enemy comes in feeds me lies and the sinking in my heart feels like a million pounds. Good thing I had my huge white sun glasses on... I probably looked like a mental case sitting in full clothing on the beach, with books spread out before me, bawling. goodness me.
well, I was feeling pretty terrible, then this little lady bug flew onto my wedding ring... my whole entire life I have always known that when you get the chance to pick up a lady bug, hold it in your hand make a wish and let it fly away, if it flies your wish will come true... so I looked at the little lady bug, chuckled, closed my eyes, made my wish and it flew away... ok people, so the rest of my life is riding on a lady bug!
not so much...
but.
God reminded me of my scripture for this week in my patience book... Romans 12:11-12 "Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer..."

I guess im seeing more of that microwave fast mentality I have.. oh big daddy grandfather clock... Today I barely got by... tomorrow is new. Im learning and growing and waiting on the Lord.