Black Hole

Today is hard day, like most. Somedays I am filled with so much hope and faith, that I can take all of the rejection and harsh words and look at them as things that are coming out of hurt and anger, I can forgive them as they are spoken. Other days, like today, are just plain old hard. God opened my eyes more this morning to see more of his hurt... I feel so awful, I feel like I should be locked away in a cave from the world. I hurt God's son, his little boy, I broke his heart, destroyed his trust, and have caused so much pain in his life. I did that. I began to pray and just ask God to forgive me for hurting his child. Today is the kind of day where I feel like the biggest pile of dog crap. I would do anything, give anything to go back and change it, take it back. I know I cant. I know this is not a nightmare. I know these are reprocussions of my action. Im trying to have hope, to have patience, to have faith like a mustardseed, but its hard. This is one of the days where I am not the perfect picture of patience. Its a day where I feel like maybe the outcome im dreding will not come, well, maybe it will... maybe there is no hope. God reminds me that I committed, just like Noah, just like Hannah how they waited on the Lord, and I am still committed, but today my walk is with my head down and my shoulders slumped over. Its just a sad day, just a plain old sad day.